Courting an idiot
by kittiyloveranime
Summary: sasu/naru/neji neji and sasuke both want naruto but what does naruto want?Will they have to get along? or fight? or perhaps the better one share? I REDID THIS STORY please check back for more as im combining some here and there and getting rid of some parts.
1. chapter 1

It was a Saturday morning, and all was calm except for a certain loud-mouthed ninja named Naruto. Naruto was sitting on a box and not just any box, a box filled with ramen. Or rather was filled with ramen until a late Friday night so the box was empty so he was throwing accusations at Sasuke and Neji his best friends.

Now you guys may be wondering why I said neji instead of sakura sadly our poor naruto had become aware of her two-faced ways which will be discussed later. So neji and Sasuke where trying to calm him down. Well neji kind of was by listing a million reasons why he should stop fussing while Sasuke was just massaging his temples. All of this was of course not calming him down. Sasuke snapped finally "shut the hell up dobe what's your problem god you're such a loud mouth I'll just buy you some ramen." "Yes all right! thanks teme!" Naruto replied in a hyper but grating voice. Neji then quickly interrupted and said "Hey, Naruto perhaps you would enjoy a spar afterwards". Sasuke and Neji had been fighting unbeknownst to Naruto over Naruto. They had both began courting naruto for a while now as they had loved him for sasuke it was ever since that misson in water country,for neji since the chunin exam during the battle where naruto had truly opened his heart. Though Naruto of course didn't know all of this all he knew was that they kept giving him things like those ramen chopsticks given to him by Sasuke and that new coat by neji usually naruto never minded as it meant he received gifts for free and for naruto it was a nice change compared to his usual gifts which consisted of bashings upside his head by sakura and a cool acknowledgement from kakashi. As they started to walk away from neji naruto turned to sasuke and finally asked the question that drifted in his mind from time to time. "Hey sasuke?" asked naruto "why do you and neji keep giving me things and why do you guys argue so much?" sasuke wondering if this could be his chance to confess started to reply with a heartfelt confession when who should interrupt but neji himself.

Now naruto was known as an idiot but he did have smart moments and he had noticed that he kept receiving gifts from sasuke and neji and no matter where he went they would follow. It was rather wonderful having some one always there as he hadn't had anyone for him growing up the attention he was receiving was nice. So that's why he became suspicious of the gifts, and the sometimes kind offers that they would give him so nicely. So he started to think about the reasons at first he wondered if he was dying but on closer inspection he had no strange spots and other than the occasional Hershey squirts he was fine. So then naruto would watch them and he would notice that Neji's room was filled strangely with pictures of him in strange positions ones he didn't remember doing. Like that one of him bending over at an ice cream shop. He also noticed that Neji's uncle seemed not to mind him coming in the hyuuga compound in fact he even had dinner there a couple times. Also he would eat and help cook dinner at sasuke's house, the food there was always superb, because he helped make it. Also he had started investigating sasuke's house and found letters to him in his drawer so he took them home and read them the following night. They were filled with love confessions for him. Naruto was shocked and while he was thinking of this he decided to check his boxes of ramen and found them all fine. That's why he was so shocked to find all of his ramen missing, though he had seen a shadow come and take something out of the box but he had dismissed it thinking it was nothing. The way they acted toward him led him to think they didn't know he knew something was going on but make no mistake he would find out why they were so fixated on him and… "NARUTO we've been trying to talk to you for 15 minutes here. We have some thing to ask you." said Neji. "Yes, Dobe we would like to propose a way for us to show our affection for you in 12 tasks we want you to choose one of us to be your seme."

"What?" yelled Naruto

"Why? Do I need to crown a teme?" Said Naruto

"Naruto, he said seme not teme!" explained neji frustrated.

"But whats a seme?" Asked naruto blankly.

"Someone you need to take care of you and someone to love you always". Said sasuke

"I can take care of myself just fine I am just fine being myself!" replied naruto sadly looking at the ground.

"Naruto you are gay, and you need a seme end of discussion". stated sasuke quite calmly."

" I am not!" said naruto as he stomped his foot childishly and pouted.

"Prove it name some things that make me gay "yelled naruto.

"Well you went to over 5 slumber parties in the last week." Said sasuke

"All the girls take you with them shopping" said neji.

"And the most important we feel is you have a dancer's build and have a hot pink tank top underneath that orange jumpsuit and you have a small penis". said mumbled "Can't get more stereotypical then that."

"I do not its really big "screamed naruto.

"How big?" asked neji in a coaxing you can tell me anything way.

"4 inches!" stated naruto proudly.

"Um, naruto that's really small". Said neji. " Prove it drop your trousers boys, or else" frowned naruto angrily.

Sasuke and Neji glanced at each other "Um naruto, if you want us to show you our cocks does that mean you will agree to let us begin courting you if we are telling the truth" asked Neji.

"Yeah, you can court me if you're bigger". Said naruto.

Pants were dropped and all you could hear was silence it was so quiet a pin could have dropped and you would have heard it in Suna.

"Why the hell are you so big!" yelled naruto.

Would you like to know what they looked like? Sasuke's cock was a beautiful pale that was looked to be around 8 ½ and was nice and thick with the littlest curve, while Neji's cock was a purple and had a slight tan mostly his was thick with a length of 7 ½ and they weren't even hard. Poor naruto was scared he didn't want anyone to touch him with that it was too big it scared him.

Naruto whimpered a little and back up into the kitchen.

" Don't worry Dobe just pick one of us and we will show you so much pleasure Im sure you will feel its better than when you eat ramen."

Naruto looked from sasuke and neji "Are you sure you are the ones for me if you think you can give me pleasure and no one else why couldn't some girl give me the pleasure you offer?"

"Because no girl wants a small penis in them, you are made for a man specifically me". Said sasuke.

"Whatever, naruto you would benefit greatly with me instead, after all the fates have seen our love."

"Sasuke! Neji! Fine I will give you your tasks and they will range to finding things for me, pleasure me and showing you can protect any kids we may have."

Im sorry everyone I forgot to mention that naruto can have children. It was one of the reasons Neji's uncle accepted him around the house and that there was no issues for sasuke not that he would have had any anyway.

"Naruto what shall be our task?"

"your first task is to bring me a flower you think I will like and tell me why you think it represents me I want you to prove you can be romantic and are not just in lust with me so there will be 5 tasks of finding certain things that romance me another 5 will be sexual so I hope you don't need Viagra, and the next 2 I'm still thinking about".

"Okay" replied sasuke and neji replied together.

They are both so nice what if I fall in love with both? Wondered Naruto.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own anything naruto related not its story or characters.

Rated M

Last chapter:

Naruto what shall be our task?"

"your first task is to bring me a flower you think I will like and tell me why you think it represents me I want you to prove you can be romantic and are not just in lust with me so there will be 5 tasks of finding certain things that romance me another 5 will be sexual so I hope you don't need Viagra, and the next 2 I'm still thinking about".

"Okay" replied sasuke and neji replied together.

They are both so nice what if I fall in love with both? Wondered Naruto.

Chapter 2 Flowers abound please fuel my fire

As they left naruto's little shack of an apartment Neji and sasuke went different ways. Neji went toward Ino's flower shop whereas Sasuke went toward his family's district as he had thought he saw a flower there that reminded him of naruto.

Sasuke looked around his district for hours until finally he came upon the flower he wanted to bring to naruto it was an Azalea which is symbolic of self-restraint, passion and womanhood. The reason why sasuke felt this flower would be a good choice was because when he looked at naruto all he could see was his passion to become Hokage and how he never gave up. As he looked at the flower closely he noticed it looked a little wilted so sasuke thought about throwing it away but realized that the fact that it was a little wilted made it perfect for naruto as when it came to his self-restraint he was a bit wilted in that area what with his sometimes taking his pranks too far and being too stubborn made sasuke realize that naruto had faults but that he loved him anyway and as for the womanhood aspect of the flower. Well sasuke knew naruto would flip about it and probably only remember that it symbolized womanhood and if sasuke was honest to himself he would quietly admit that he wanted naruto to know the position he felt naruto should take in the relationship but mostly it was his passion that made the flower stand out.

So sasuke gently uprooted the flower roots and all and brought the flower home to put it in a blue vase as he thought it would complement the whole ensemble.

Meanwhile Neji had just come up to Ino's flower shop and was looking around at all the different flowers , smelling them though soon neji felt a tingle in his throat one that told him he was starting to feel down. As neji stood there feeling downtrodden Ino from Rookie Nine happened to be helping out her mom in the store so when she saw neji standing there looking impassive she went over and struck up a conversation.

"Hi Neji how's Ten Ten and Lee?" asked Ino

Neji stared and then replied quietly "they are fine."

"So what brings you here today? "Asked Ino starting to get a bit irritated as she hadn't thought this conversation would take so long she still needed to do her nails.

"I'm looking for a flower that best describes my beloved." Said Neji

"Who's your beloved?" said Ino because deep inside but not too inside mind you she was the village gossip.

"HN, I want a flower that says I'm loud and vibrant but has many inner depths. "Said Neji flatly as he was starting to hate talking to Ino even if she had proved to be an okay friend after she started dating Shikamaru.

"Oh! Then I would suggest the tiger lily and look it comes in many coloring pink, orange and yellow is all we have in today shall I leave you to it?" exclaimed Ino

"These will do thank you." said Neji as he walked over to the flowers all he could think was meeting Ino must have been fate how else might he have found such a flower. To neji the tiger lily represented naruto because a tiger lily represented as a flower of mercy and compassion. Tiger lilies are more connected to the aggressive aspects of the feminine. Neji felt this represented naruto perfectly and there where layers in the flower as if it held hidden depths which Neji felt that naruto probably had many hidden depths he didn't know about yet. The color was orange which was vibrant and colorful which is how he hoped naruto always looked and felt. He wanted naruto to always look full of life, he also felt naruto did have a lot of mercy and compassion after he had started to notice the villagers and how they treated Naruto and he wasn't pleased at all if he had been in that situation he didn't know quite what he would do but he knew it would have anything to do with compassion! He also knew that tiger lilies could be dangerous too which he felt also described naruto perfectly dangerous when he wants to be but mostly vibrant and colorful. He had also remembered hearing somewhere that it was a feminine flower and he wanted naruto to know the role he expected naruto to take which is the more submissive role in the relationship.

With these thoughts in mind he went asked for Ino to take the flower off the shelf and to put it in a small pot. With that he left for Naruto's.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own anything of naruto except for this plot this is also rated M and though we haven't gotten to the sexy times please be aware that this is male/male, male/male/male, and however many ways you can say homoerotic threesome lol…

Recap of last chapter: Neji and Sasuke went to find their respective flowers for their beloved and carefully choose which will win them a point.

Judgment and Other Tasks of the Heart

Sasuke having already found his flower and went back to his house to get what he needed made his way over to Naruto's apartment looking around he felt himself start to get more and more nervous inwardly of course, whereas outwardly he was his usual cool and indifferent self.

"What if I picked the wrong flower? What if he's allergic? Maybe I should seek some other persons advice?" fretted sasuke finally he just decided to go with this flower he bonded with it and decided that naruto WOULD love this flower and Would feel the love he had for him. Making his way up to the door he knocked on Naruto's apartment and waited looking cool as usual.

Meanwhile back inside of naruto's apartment

After Neji and Sasuke had left he had felt extremely restless and hyper so he decided to do something he usually did only once in a while clean. When we say clean, we mean deep cleaning his entire apartment. As Sasuke and Neji looked for their flowers Naruto scrubbed the walls, picked trash off the floor, cleaned his kitchen, took out Mr. Mcmoldy the mold that lived in his bathroom and all in all did a complete makeover of his apartment. Normally Naruto would have been able to get all this done in time but as he had used his shadow clones he had more than enough help. Afterwards he went and cleaned himself up and put on a fresh new pair of clothes that both looked good and was useful in case of an emergency. Naruto had just finished putting tea on as he anticipated they should be arriving soon after all it had been at least three hours and went to sit down when he heard the quiet knock that could only be Sasuke's.

…

Neji approached naruto's house and saw sasuke go inside as naruto let him in. as he watched he started to hang back a little to see what would happen he watched impassively as sasuke received a huge smile and a tug to come inside and check out his awesome cleaning skills. Neji started to second guess himself a little thinking things like "what if he sees Sasuke's gift and his can't compare?" what if naruto hates his flowers and decides he won't even be friends with him, he had believed they were meant to since the chunin exams and didn't want to lose him. No, he KNEW he wouldn't lose him after all fate and destiny brought them together fate and destiny would keep them together. A small smirk lit Neji's face as he allowed himself to go up and knock on Naruto's door. Feeling relieved when Naruto glanced at the flower and smiled warmly and just as bright for him as he had for Sasuke he allowed himself to be seat at a couch next to sasuke as they both looked around the sort of clean apartment(naruto didn't do as well as he thought he did). Neji spied what could only be Sasuke's flower sitting in its blue vase and wondered what sasuke would say. Seeing a movement out of the corner of his room he saw naruto come from the kitchen and bring him a small cup a tea. Murmuring his thanks Neji and Sasuke sipped slowly on the tea that calmed their nerves as they awaited what naruto would say.

….

Naruto had brought sasuke in and gushed over his flower when sasuke went to speak to begin explaining his flower naruto put a finger over Sasuke's mouth shushing him and telling him to wait till Neji came so they could be judged together. So he tugged Sasuke in and gave him a small cup of tea and wanting to ask how sasuke was he sat down only to hear the knock again, a solid sounding knock. Knowing it was Neji because he knew Neji was the only one would be visiting if not for sasuke then who? So naruto went and answered the door and set Neji next to Sasuke that way he could watch them both for any funny business. As he gave Neji his tea and took the beautiful flower from him too he put it next to sasuke's and then began to contemplate how to say what he wanted to say. Usually he would have just blurted it out but he remembered Iruka –sensei telling him to thing about his words before he said them so he sat across from them in the rickety chair and stared at them as he thought of the words to say and the emotions he wanted to express. Finally he nodded his head and opened his mouth and started with a small speech.

Sasuke and Neji I just wanted to thank you guys for bringing my flowers in a timely manner and for making them look so pretty too I think since sasuke arrived first I will have him explain his flower to me first then you neji then I will announce the winner please be aware that if you do lose this round there will be many more and that. That I don't want you guys to give up he said blushing from the tips of his ears to his small nose.


	4. Chapter 4

DISCLAIMER: please be aware that this is both rated M and is boyxboyxboy. Which means not only do I not own naruto or its characters but I will be putting them in a polygamous situation.

Author note: I know many of you guys will probably skip this but I just wanted to ask you guys for reviews on what you guys would like to see and who you guys will root for and whatnot. Also any plot lines you guys want to see. That's all thanks for reading!

Recap: Sasuke and Neji I just wanted to thank you guys for bringing my flowers in a timely manner and for making them look so pretty too I think since sasuke arrived first I will have him explain his flower to me first then you neji then I will announce the winner please be aware that if you do lose this round there will be many more and that. That I don't want you guys to give up he said blushing from the tips of his ears to his small nose.

Naruto took a deep breathe to calm himself a bit and finally just came out with it. "In this first task I pick Sasuke as the winner because, um while I do think Neji's flower is well thought out even though you said it was feminine he said with a small glare at neji I fell more in love with sasuke's flower especially how you had said Sasuke where you found it I just found myself happy I guess..BUT that's not to say I don't like yours Neji I really do and you know it took a lot of courage to ask Ino for help so thank you!" and with Naruto leaned in and gave Neji and kiss on the cheek and a hug.

Neji felt Naruto's slightly chapped lips on his cheeks and just about melted in his seat. He started to wonder maybe I could play the pity card and get pity kisses and hugs? Though as soon as that thought entered Neji's head it quickly left as Neji would much prefer not to guilt Naruto into kissing him so as Naruto hugged him Neji hugged him back and then held on for 5 minutes or so too long. Neji finally letting go of Naruto leaned back into the couch and started to wonder on how he could prove himself and also started to pay close attention as he wondered just what sasuke had won. As he turned his head toward Sasuke he was met with the blood eyes of the sharingan as Sasuke glared the hell out of him.

Sasuke had felt both an overwhelming sense of relief along with a feel of triumph as he heard naruto list him as the winner. So many both erotic and random thoughts went through his head "Like what will I get as a prize?" and " I want to lick him so bad right now" Sasuke also noticed how naruto had turned to Neji to try and comfort Neji as he looked as if he was in shock. Sasuke watched closely as naruto leaned in and put his arms around neji. Sasuke watched on only feeling a mild feeling of envy. What was strange was it wasn't even specific toward naruto it was more than that almost as if he wanted to comfort neji himself? He wondered about why he didn't really mind Naruto hugging Neji but he started to feel a little pissed off when he saw how long Neji held on even as Naruto tried to move away. Glaring at Neji feeling a weird mix of anger, envy and lust he was snapped out of it by naruto calling his name.

Naruto felt weird.

He wasn't sure whether he should be mad at neji for holding on to him so tight or if he should just pretend it never happened or if he should even be feeling a tiny bit aroused. He looked at Neji as if to try and see what the other boy was thinking but noticed he was looking at Sasuke a quick glance to his left at sasuke revealed why. It looks like Sasuke won't be amendable to me having both him and Neji right now he's looking at Neji as if he hated him. I'll just grab his attention so he can't start something with Neji.

"Sasuke? SASUKE!" yelled Naruto at Sasuke

"Hn? Said sasuke as he focused all his attention on naruto

"Pay attention teme or you'll miss what I'm going to say." said Naruto

Naruto moved to the center of the room took another deep breathe and looking at both Neji and Sasuke finally said "Ok, since Sasuke wins um, he will get to spend the night with me but whatever we do it can only be done using our hands that will be his reward". Naruto had choose this as a reward simply because he knew Sasuke and neji would probably want something sexual as a reward but since he had never been with a boy he didn't want to give too much so Naruto had thought and thought until he thought of the most flexible yet erotic situation he could get him and the winner in. Naruto mused to himself I mean the only thing you could do with hands are hand jobs and a little feeling around right?

Sasuke and Neji's jaw dropped slightly. Neji's because he couldn't believe he was going to miss out on such an awesome prize and Sasuke because he was so excited he could barely breathe.

Sasuke's eyes roved up and down Naruto's body before saying to Naruto thank you for picking me as the winner you won't regret this I promise he stated as his onyx eyes glittered in lust. Inside Sasuke's head all you could hear where mini Sasuke's yelling somebody is SO getting fingered tonight! YES!

Neji looked over at Sasuke only feeling the tiniest bit of envy which surprised him a bit. Neji looked back at naruto and said "when should I come back for the next challenge?"

Naruto looked at Neji and said "Um, you could come tomorrow at around 12 I will tell you guys at the same time it's only fair right?"

"I will see you tomorrow then" and Neji leaned forward and gently kissed Naruto back on the cheek before leaving.

As Neji shut the door behind him Naruto turned to Sasuke and blushing again said awkwardly "So how do you want to do this?"


	5. Chapter 5

_Disclaimer:I don't own naruto or the characters I just own this plot if you have any questions please review._

Sasuke very quickly contemplated the best way to get the most of the situation. Finally he opened his mouth and calmly said "Naruto I'm fine with sitting wherever would be most comfortable with you, in fact if you would like we can start off by watching a movie and go from there."

Naruto let out a relieved sigh so very quiet that sasuke almost didn't hear it. "That would be great I'm kind of nervous so that would be great." naruto said as he gifted sasuke with a small smile.

Inwardly mini sasuke jumped up and down screaming yes he's taking the bait that's going to get some! Me! Me!

Outwardly sasuke just smirked back and said "it's no problem what would you like to watch?" is originally what sasuke was going to say but when he looked around again and remembered how dismal naruto's apartment was he said "Actually naruto at my house I have a pretty big TV and I just brought some ramen would you like to go there or we can stay as long as I'm with you I'm happy."

Naruto stared at sasuke as he thought about what sasuke said and inwardly thought is this his way of being tactful? Like he's trying to say I see your poor living conditions and I'm throwing you a bone? Naruto Uzumaki does not take charity is what he was about to scream when he saw sasuke's face. Naruto noticed that sasuke had no pity in his face and seemed quite earnest in regards to naruto.

Outwardly naruto stood and was staring at sasuke with the most constipated look on his face as he thought the entire previous paragraph. Sasuke thought about saying something but recognized that as naruto's thinking look and decided not to say anything.

Finally naruto opened his mouth and said "Yay! That would be fun okay teme I'll let you treat me! Striking a pose naruto said jokingly.

Hn, then let's go stated sasuke calmly as they headed out for a walk toward sasuke's house.

…

Walking into the dark and quiet house Naruto began to explore silently remembering that sasuke rarely invited anyone over most times people just came over here for their own agenda. Sasuke let naruto explore and went into the kitchen to prepare the popcorn and ramen popcorn for him and ramen for naruto. As he looked in the refrigerator he noticed a small tomato popping one in his mouth he grabbed the butter and started to make the refreshments. As he made the refreshments he yelled out towards Naruto to go ahead and pick a movie and to wait before starting it.

Naruto meanwhile had explored his way into the bathroom and then into sasuke's bedroom looking around quickly then moving out for fear of getting caught as he made his way back to the living room he heard sasuke's instructions so he looked for his movie collection, finding one interesting he popped it in and waited nervously for sasuke to return. Sasuke soon came in and gave naruto some ramen and put a huge bowl of popcorn in front of them on a pretty long table in the spacious and full of cool colored living room. Sasuke looked at the screen absently noting the movie and sat next to naruto on the couch.

This movie is great! Said naruto as he looked at the screen suddenly he felt an arm go around him, looking at sasuke he noted that it was his arm around him and remembering how nice sasuke had been to make him ramen he grabbed the bowl of popcorn and snuggled into sasuke's form.

Sasuke hadn't been watching the movie at all he had been trying to think of a way to get naruto in the mood finally he figured the arm reach around might work so acting as though he had saw something behind him he lifted his arm up then gently draped across naruto's shoulder. After seeing how well naruto responded he leaned down and just as naruto was about to put some popcorn in his mouth he missed hitting sasuke in the cheek as he was being kissed smoothly be a determined sasuke.

Sasuke soon deeply French kissing naruto began to gently pull him closer. Naruto getting in the mood started to feel a warm feeling deep in the pit of his stomach it was weird and he didn't know if he liked it. It made him want to scratch, poke and yell something fierce. Instead he just pulled sasuke closer demanding a deeper kiss.

Sasuke started to run his hands gently but forcefully up and down naruto's body. Up and down finally stopping at a nipple which he gently tweaked.

Naruto pulled away from sasuke to gasp wildly as he felt the strange new sensation running through him. Unsure what to do in return he moaned and grabbed sasuke's ass.


End file.
